Under the Knife

[realthog]

 
On Tuesday I'm to have an angiogram/cardiac catheterization. As far as I can gather -- me, the ever-courageous male an' all -- this involves ripping apart my groin with a chain saw and then jackhammering a probe about the size of a rolling pin up through my circulatory system, shredding soft tissue as it goes, until it can take a photograph of my heart. Pam says it's a tad less traumatic than this, but then it's not her groin. All this so my cardiologist has something he can post on Facebook.

I don't imagine I'll be merrily hopping astride a stolen Harley to get home from the hospital. Indeed, it may well be that I require a year or two of convalescence, not to mention extensive counselling; I plan to take plenty of books with me. Assuming I actually make it home on Tuesday -- as all these Other, Totally Unsympathetic People say I should -- well, I expect major-league tributes to my general all-fired heroism and traditional British pluck.

(Hm. The last time I had my groin ripped apart must have been the early '70s or so. But apparently my insurance company refuses to cover cold ravioli and live marmosets.)

(What I'm really, really hoping to be able to do is get to the book party whose details you can find at http://al-zorra.livejournal.com/305706.html.)

 

Comments

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

You won't believe me, but at the age of 42 (3 years ago) I went throgh this very procedure. I have a wonky ticker, it's a genetic thing.

It's really not nearly as bad as it sounds. The worst part for me was the shaving bit at the beginning. And when the nice nurse comes in to run through the legal disclaimer review, which I found to be unnecessarily terrifying.

Here's the good part: the best drugs you've ever had. They want you awake, but not completely. They put you in what they call "twilight" so they can ask you questions and so forth. You hardly feel the thing going in, and once it's in you can't feel it at all. Then the fun begins. You get to watch live video (black and white, unfortunately) of the inside of your heart, while they shoot a type of dye in there to see if there's any blockage (this is quite trippy and weirdly unthreatening due to the drugs). If there is sign of blockage, they can shunt it all at the same time (so you won't have to do this twice), but hopefully that won't be necessary. It wasn't for me. In my case, they couldn't really pinpoint the problem, but since I've been taking blood pressure medicine the symptoms have pretty much disappeared.

Out of all of the "invasive" procedures I've been subjected to, this one was probably the least unpleasant. You'll be sore "down there" for a while after, but not for long.

However, if anyone says the word "endoscopy" in your general direction I suggest you run for the hills.

I was nervous about this too, so I understand that you are, but believe me, the catheterization procedure itself is not nearly as bad as it sounds. (whereas the endoscopy is much worse than it sounds! I won't lie about these things.)

Good luck, my friend.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

My RL pal Randy went through the procedure at about the same time you did -- i.e., a few years ago -- and likewise tells me there's nothing to worry about. This the rational part of my brain completely understands. But I'm to medical procedures as some people are to spiders -- at least, to certain kinds of medical procedures: tell me I'm going to be put under so I can be sliced open, and I'm fine; give me an injection or take a simple blood sample, and I'll ask to lie down while it's being done. It's purely psychological and at a purely irrational level.

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

"But I'm to medical procedures as some people are to spiders"

That's me as well. Nowhere I'd least rather be than in a doctor's office or hospital, and I've had my share, and I tend not to go even when I know I should.

I figured my assurances wouldn't much change anything, just wanted you to know that if you're suspicious about all the "not such a big deal" talk that it really isn't. You might even be disappointed by the lack of drama.

Best of luck to you.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

just wanted you to know that if you're suspicious about all the "not such a big deal" talk that it really isn't

Thanks for the kindness in taking the trouble!

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

No trouble at all!

[realthog.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, if the next thing I know is I'm being wheeled into ER amid cries of "We got a bleeder!" I may think less kindly of you . . .

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

Ha! Thanks for the smile.