Under the Knife

[realthog]

 
On Tuesday I'm to have an angiogram/cardiac catheterization. As far as I can gather -- me, the ever-courageous male an' all -- this involves ripping apart my groin with a chain saw and then jackhammering a probe about the size of a rolling pin up through my circulatory system, shredding soft tissue as it goes, until it can take a photograph of my heart. Pam says it's a tad less traumatic than this, but then it's not her groin. All this so my cardiologist has something he can post on Facebook.

I don't imagine I'll be merrily hopping astride a stolen Harley to get home from the hospital. Indeed, it may well be that I require a year or two of convalescence, not to mention extensive counselling; I plan to take plenty of books with me. Assuming I actually make it home on Tuesday -- as all these Other, Totally Unsympathetic People say I should -- well, I expect major-league tributes to my general all-fired heroism and traditional British pluck.

(Hm. The last time I had my groin ripped apart must have been the early '70s or so. But apparently my insurance company refuses to cover cold ravioli and live marmosets.)

(What I'm really, really hoping to be able to do is get to the book party whose details you can find at http://al-zorra.livejournal.com/305706.html.)

 

Comments

Under the Knife

[randeroo.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the groin-puncture club, guv. Shouldn't hurt a bit. (No, really.) All I remember about mine was playing trivia with the nurses during the procedure (much to the doctor's eventual annoyance, although he did answer a few of the questions himself at the outset) and being told I didn't need angioplasty. With your curiosity with most things science, you'll probably be fascinated watching the screen as the catheter wends its way up through your blood pipes (think Fantastic Voyage, except instead of a submarine, it's the NYC subway system) and the doctor guides you through the tour. You'll find it neat to be able to ask questions as the procedure proceeds. See, I didn't give a rat's ass about the procedure; let 'em do what they gotta do was what I was thinking. I think my lack of intellectual curiosity was pissing off the doctor. That, and there was this adorable little Asian nurse who...

Re: Under the Knife

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"With your curiosity with most things science, you'll probably be fascinated watching the screen as the catheter wends its way up through your blood pipes (think Fantastic Voyage, except instead of a submarine, it's the NYC subway system) and the doctor guides you through the tour."

I have issued strict instructions that all such spectacles are to be hidden from my sight. I do not do medical exhibitions well, and most especially when they feature moi.