Under the Knife

[realthog]

 
On Tuesday I'm to have an angiogram/cardiac catheterization. As far as I can gather -- me, the ever-courageous male an' all -- this involves ripping apart my groin with a chain saw and then jackhammering a probe about the size of a rolling pin up through my circulatory system, shredding soft tissue as it goes, until it can take a photograph of my heart. Pam says it's a tad less traumatic than this, but then it's not her groin. All this so my cardiologist has something he can post on Facebook.

I don't imagine I'll be merrily hopping astride a stolen Harley to get home from the hospital. Indeed, it may well be that I require a year or two of convalescence, not to mention extensive counselling; I plan to take plenty of books with me. Assuming I actually make it home on Tuesday -- as all these Other, Totally Unsympathetic People say I should -- well, I expect major-league tributes to my general all-fired heroism and traditional British pluck.

(Hm. The last time I had my groin ripped apart must have been the early '70s or so. But apparently my insurance company refuses to cover cold ravioli and live marmosets.)

(What I'm really, really hoping to be able to do is get to the book party whose details you can find at http://al-zorra.livejournal.com/305706.html.)

 

Comments

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"I was wondering why the silence for the last few days or so."

Um, no, J -- that's just because I've been idle.

But thanks for the kind thoughts -- and please don't worry! I'm just laughing at myself about my reaction to what is in truth a fairly minor procedure. (Well, the fuckers would say that, wouldn't they?)

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

"(Well, the fuckers would say that, wouldn't they?)"

Just don't let them know that you know they're fuckers.

Hey, I'm wishing you the best, Paul; and it's never just a "minor" procedure when you have to go under, I don't care what those fuckers say. It's always a pain in the ass. Our bodies are a pain in the ass.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

when you have to go under

It's being done under a local anaesthetic, not a general.

"You'll be able to watch!" cried the cardiologist with youthful enthusiasm.

Moments later, as Pam pulled me off the outside windowsill, she explained this wasn't an option.

"But we can set up a TV screen so he can watch the probe going through his blood vessels and photographing his heart!" said the doc, eyes aglow.

"Not that either, I think," said Pam, nimbly plucking my head from a nearby autoclave.

I am not good at having medical things being done to me, or indeed to anyone else. I've watched numerous revolting horror movies without too much worry (I don't actually like them, but I've had to watch them for work purposes), yet come the part where someone has to get a flu jab I've had to shut my eyes . . .