Under the Knife

[realthog]

 
On Tuesday I'm to have an angiogram/cardiac catheterization. As far as I can gather -- me, the ever-courageous male an' all -- this involves ripping apart my groin with a chain saw and then jackhammering a probe about the size of a rolling pin up through my circulatory system, shredding soft tissue as it goes, until it can take a photograph of my heart. Pam says it's a tad less traumatic than this, but then it's not her groin. All this so my cardiologist has something he can post on Facebook.

I don't imagine I'll be merrily hopping astride a stolen Harley to get home from the hospital. Indeed, it may well be that I require a year or two of convalescence, not to mention extensive counselling; I plan to take plenty of books with me. Assuming I actually make it home on Tuesday -- as all these Other, Totally Unsympathetic People say I should -- well, I expect major-league tributes to my general all-fired heroism and traditional British pluck.

(Hm. The last time I had my groin ripped apart must have been the early '70s or so. But apparently my insurance company refuses to cover cold ravioli and live marmosets.)

(What I'm really, really hoping to be able to do is get to the book party whose details you can find at http://al-zorra.livejournal.com/305706.html.)

 

Comments

[charlesatan.livejournal.com]

Good luck and hopefully nothing goes wrong with the surgery.

[nick-kaufmann.livejournal.com]

Good luck. I'll be rootin' for ya!

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

I was wondering why the silence for the last few days or so. Now I know. You have my sympathies.

Good luck with the surgery, Paul. I know this isn't an easy venture, been through major surgery my own darn self. But as ornery as you are, I'm more worried for the surgeon. Shouldn't someone warn him or something?

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

Eep. Best wishes.

[ogre-san.livejournal.com]

Wishing you good luck and quick recovery.

[jmward14.livejournal.com]

Sending my best medical juju and lots of healing hugs. Hope the procedure goes flawlessly and produces as little discomfort as possible. Not that I expect you to stop, er, milking the situation. Much love, Jean Marie

[hutch0.livejournal.com]

Jesus. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, Obi-Wan. Can I have your Harley if things go wrong?

[pgtremblay.livejournal.com]

Be as well as you can!

[scottedelman.livejournal.com]

Your groin will be in my thoughts tomorrow ...

(Hmmm ... that doesn't sound quite right!)

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

You're such a writer!

Think of this as another one of life's experiences you can incorporate into a horror story...hee hee. Definitely watch.

[lilithsaintcrow.livejournal.com]

Dear God.

What happened to the marmosets?

Oh, and erm, my condolences. It sounds a trifle unpleasant.

Under the Knife

[randeroo.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the groin-puncture club, guv. Shouldn't hurt a bit. (No, really.) All I remember about mine was playing trivia with the nurses during the procedure (much to the doctor's eventual annoyance, although he did answer a few of the questions himself at the outset) and being told I didn't need angioplasty. With your curiosity with most things science, you'll probably be fascinated watching the screen as the catheter wends its way up through your blood pipes (think Fantastic Voyage, except instead of a submarine, it's the NYC subway system) and the doctor guides you through the tour. You'll find it neat to be able to ask questions as the procedure proceeds. See, I didn't give a rat's ass about the procedure; let 'em do what they gotta do was what I was thinking. I think my lack of intellectual curiosity was pissing off the doctor. That, and there was this adorable little Asian nurse who...

[nballingrud.livejournal.com]

Best wishes, Paul. Just lie back and think of the Empire.

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

You won't believe me, but at the age of 42 (3 years ago) I went throgh this very procedure. I have a wonky ticker, it's a genetic thing.

It's really not nearly as bad as it sounds. The worst part for me was the shaving bit at the beginning. And when the nice nurse comes in to run through the legal disclaimer review, which I found to be unnecessarily terrifying.

Here's the good part: the best drugs you've ever had. They want you awake, but not completely. They put you in what they call "twilight" so they can ask you questions and so forth. You hardly feel the thing going in, and once it's in you can't feel it at all. Then the fun begins. You get to watch live video (black and white, unfortunately) of the inside of your heart, while they shoot a type of dye in there to see if there's any blockage (this is quite trippy and weirdly unthreatening due to the drugs). If there is sign of blockage, they can shunt it all at the same time (so you won't have to do this twice), but hopefully that won't be necessary. It wasn't for me. In my case, they couldn't really pinpoint the problem, but since I've been taking blood pressure medicine the symptoms have pretty much disappeared.

Out of all of the "invasive" procedures I've been subjected to, this one was probably the least unpleasant. You'll be sore "down there" for a while after, but not for long.

However, if anyone says the word "endoscopy" in your general direction I suggest you run for the hills.

I was nervous about this too, so I understand that you are, but believe me, the catheterization procedure itself is not nearly as bad as it sounds. (whereas the endoscopy is much worse than it sounds! I won't lie about these things.)

Good luck, my friend.

[(Anonymous)]

Good luck, Nunx. We'll be thinking of you.

Zoe

[scottakennedy.livejournal.com]

Good luck with this!

P.S. Do you mind posting the link to your cardiologist's Facebook page?

[plattcave.livejournal.com]

eeeeyikes! Good luck and quick healing!

[thisplacehere.livejournal.com]

Best of luck for tomorrow, Paul. And for the day after...

[itsallmishegoss.livejournal.com]

Good luck and a speedy recovery! Don't forget to cause trouble while your in there.

[quilterbear.livejournal.com]

My firend, I will be thinking of you throughout Tuesday, and yes, Wednesday too. I am very much like you in that I despise medical procedures. Thus, you can understand my tortured life since I have had many surgeries and many, many procedures! I can understand your anxiety, but you will be ever so grateful when the anesthesiologist gives you that great drug that will take away alllllll your worries and cares!

You're in my prayers and thoughts. You've got a lot of people here who care about you, and we'll all be waiting for the good report. So don't be idle! post when you can, dang it!

[quilterbear.livejournal.com]

By the way, the book party link is inaccessible to such peons as me. Must be friends only. Sigh.

[al-zorra.livejournal.com]

I hope all went well today and that you are comfortable, or as comfortable as may be.

Love, C.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

As soon as you can get your funky bad self on the computer again, let us know how you are doing, Paul -- okay?

Hope all is well and you're back home, recovering nicely!