cricketing latest

For some reason -- and I can now no longer remember what it was -- a piece I wrote quite a few years ago popped into my mind this morning. It made its first appearance in a UK fanzine back in the mid-'90s or so (as you might be able to tell from the names of some of the England cricketers mentioned), and then in about 2002 I recycled it for one of my Alan Smithee columns. It's always been a sort of favourite child of mine, even though it must be incomprehensible to some 95% of Brits and, with an accuracy of at least several decimal places, 100% of Yanks. So I unearthed it from my hard drive and here it is . . .

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IT'S JUST NOT BASEBALL, YOU BOUNDER!

Thanks go to my good friend Dave Knuckle, currently living in Headingley, England, and disguised as an item of athletic apparel that happens to be clutching a Palm Pilot, for sending me this transcript . . .

Henry Blofeld (for it is he): . . . And welcome back to Headingley for the final session of the fourth Fantasy Cricket One-Day International, with England facing the Reviewers' XI. The players are out on the pitch, and Chris Lewis is ready to bowl. With me is Geoff Boncarter. Lewis really has improved as a bowler, hasn't he, er, Geoff?

Boncarter: Ay, Blowers, 'appen 'e 'as, though still not a patch on 'is dad. Good old C.S. were a reet belter.

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the Tom DeLay Poesy Korner reducks #1

The seas have dried up -- the lakes too.

The sun is just ash through and through.

    As the universe dies

    Still there's one plaintive cry:

"Has there been a post yet from Da Roo?"