Thog's Science Masterclass #14

[realthog]

It's been a while since I've shared any Secrets of the Universe trouvées, but I've been busy. (I've been busier than ever just this past couple of weeks, working flat out in an attempt to get Bogus Science finished before the publisher forgets ever having contracted it, which is why I've barely been peeking at LJ.)

Here's from Alex Chiu's site, which I'm not going to link to because I judge the products he has on sale -- which do things like make you immortal or, in the case of stuff called Gorgeouspil, make you more gorgeous every single day -- to be quack nostra, and I'm not in the business of promoting quack nostra, right? (Well, not unless I get a percentage . . .)

Away from the Gorgeouspil and the immortality rings, Chiu, who's obviously a genius, finds time to answer the question "What is God?" as well as to present his own evolutionary theory, offered as a replacement for Darwinism. Like his immortality rings, it has magnets in it. Part of it goes (pictures omitted but their content obvious):

Now why can animals walk or crawl? I know that their stomach made them craw around hunting for food. But exactly who taought them how to crawl? The answer is no one. The frequency between the animal and its prey made it craw. Below is a picture with two magnets and a metal bar. The metal bar is located near the bigger magnet. The bigger magnet represents the hunter, the metal bar represents the leg of the hunter, and the smaller magnet is the prey.[*]

Now check this out. The metal bar will fly to the middle of the two magnets.

Again, metal bar represents the big magnet's leg. This is how animals start to crawl. Animals' legs and hands are the most conductive parts of their body. Many experiments were done which proved that hands and feet of animals are the most conductive. The more sensitive a body part is, the more conductive it is. My hands are so sensitive that it allows me to play piano and type at extreamely fast speed.

*At this point, dear reader, I had images of those old military buffers using the cutlery and salt cellar to demonstrate the course of battles long gone by . . .

Comments

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

So crawling is animal magnetism?

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

I was going to ask that same question.

[charlesatan.livejournal.com]

Good luck with 'em deadlines.

As for your sanity, I fear it's too late...

[hutch0.livejournal.com]

Of course, my hands are so sensitive that I can type at extremely fast speed, cook a spaghetti bolognese, hoover a room, and adminster acupuncture to a small gnu. Pah. This guy's obviously just an amateur.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Whoo hoo he's back! But look what he brought us . . . dear me . . . and himself actually wasting precious time reading this drivel.

Is it going in "the Book"? Please tell me it ain't so . . . please . . . it's enough to make a reader's stomach "craw".

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Well, if you have enough animal magnetism then members of the opposite sex come crawling, I suppose.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"As for your sanity, I fear it's too late..."

I'm still clinging on to it.

I think.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"my hands are so sensitive that I can"

But we all still worry about where they've been . . .

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Is it going in "the Book"?

But of course -- whyever else would I be researching this . . . er, stuff?

[realthog.livejournal.com]

You were? Then I guess you and fledgist must be communicating via the etheric consciousness of the karmic cosmos. Magnetically.

Man.

Like, wow.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Yes, but this guy's a clown. Why give him any attention at all. I can see debunking magnetic rings and goofball ideas in general, but you aren't going to actually put this fellow's name in Bogus Science, are you? I mean, really . . . he doesn't deserve the attention nor the energy.

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm married to a Freemason. I know ALL ABOUT animal magnetism. *eyeroll*

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Jody, he's quite a significant figure in the US magnetotherapy field today.

Plus, this sort of stuff is good for cheap laughs.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Funny handshakes, eh?

[realthog.livejournal.com]

By the way, Fragano, who's the cool dude in your new icon?

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

They like to call it that.

And then there's the goat...

[realthog.livejournal.com]

That goat sure gets around -- the slut.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Hmm.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

That would be me, day before yesterday, shortly after a visit to the haircut expert.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

And here I thought it was all about that left turn I took at Albuquerque...

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Yeah, right . . .

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

*snort*

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh. I see. ;)

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Furthermore, one of the points of the book is to focus the spotlight on the clowns, charlatans, quacks and crooks . . . and sincere but quite possibly dangerous loonies.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can see that. Go guy! Get 'em.

[tomaq.livejournal.com]

The animal magnetism of your last line gave me an involuntary Smiths flashback (the best kind):

"She said I know you can you cannot sing,
I said that's nothing, you should hear me play piano."

(A joke far older than the Smiths, I'm guessing)

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Immortality rings? The real face of god? Super chi flush? Does your qi need flushing? (And do you have a low-flow qi?) This is, ahem, bogus to the nth.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Ah, you've been googling, have you?

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have. I presume that you'll also have a chapter on David Ickes.

But does your qi need flushing, and how the devil do you flush the dratted thing? In these environmentally-conscious times, I'd like to install a low-flow qi, ideally, a dual-control qi.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"In these environmentally-conscious times, I'd like to install a low-flow qi"

It's difficult to figure out where to put the chi-conserving brick, isn't it?

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Certainly extreamely old, I'd guess.

[tomaq.livejournal.com]

Has a music-hall feel to it, not that this Yank would know.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

In the case of Alex Chiu, the solution should be obvious.

[hutch0.livejournal.com]

They've been to paradise...

[hutch0.livejournal.com]

One of Morrisey's best lines...