pass the shoebag, Alice
Believe it or not, this isn't a parody from The Onion but a report from the Beeb about Silvio Berlusconi, who has recently suffered some setbacks in his efforts to set himself, Il Buce-style, above the law.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has described himself as the most persecuted person "in the entire history of the world".
Mr Berlusconi also said he was "the best prime minister we can find today".
In an impassioned statement, he then mistakenly told reporters he had spent millions of euros on "judges", before correcting himself to say "lawyers".
Mr Berlusconi was speaking two days after Italy's top court lifted a law granting him immunity while in office.
Correspondents say the Constitutional Court's ruling means the 73-year-old billionaire will probably have to face a number of trials for corruption and bribery within months.
He has described the cases against him as "false, a farce", saying he will defend himself in court and make his accusers look ridiculous.
Bribery trial
The BBC's Duncan Kennedy in Rome says it has been a dramatic week for Mr Berlusconi, and he ended it with a typically defiant flourish.
He was asked by reporters about calls by opponents that he step down because his personal and legal problems were damaging Italy.
"The reality is completely the opposite," he replied. "In my opinion, and not only mine, I am the best prime minister we can find today." [. . .]
"I am without doubt the person who's been the most persecuted in the entire history of the world and the history of man," he declared. [. . .]
This is Mugabe-level egotism. I hope the prosecutions for bribery and corruption pull Berlusconi down. We could do with fewer of such self-infatuated scum in humanity's corridors of power.