yet another must-read

[realthog]

To those who're still upset about the frogs, a welcome retreat into the balmy territory of high literature. Thanks to the BBC's Newsnight for alerting me to this latest tour de force:

And then some very sticky moments. Wetlands is a first novel which has sold half a million copies since its publication in Germany. Written by the High Wycombe-born star of German TV Charlotte Roche, and now out in English, it is a voyage around her 18-year-old character's private parts. Throughout the story Helen prods, pokes, smells and inserts implements into her nether regions in her hospital room where she is recovering from a serious accident after shaving around her haemorrhoids. Is it porn, or a feminist tract?

IMPORTANT UPDATE: As he notes in the comments, fledgist has found a short translated passage from this masterpiece online. This is far too significant a discovery to be buried among the comments -- hence this update. Thanks, F!

Comments

[txtriffidranch.livejournal.com]

Oh, joy. I'm certain that at least three of her coke dealers are so proud of her.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Yes, it does look good, doesn't it? It's solved about half my this year's Christmas list.

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

Wetlands. Sounds like a title I'd write. Wow. Just...another of those titles we won't be carrying in the shop...

[txtriffidranch.livejournal.com]

I think I liked her better when she was writing as "Elizabeth Wurtzel".

[txtriffidranch.livejournal.com]

Why do I get the feeling that this book will make the author millions in movie rights sales as it bounces from studio to studio?

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

Anything they film from it will go straight to DVD.

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

Miasma.

[txtriffidranch.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's what happened to Prozac Nation. After years in development hell, it finally came out a few years back, with Wurtzel played by Christina Ricci. Boy, they kinda became irrelevant together, didn't they?

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"Anything they film from it will go straight to DVD."

There's got to be a "straight down the toilet" joke around here somewhere . . .

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Your asma is everybody's asma, S.T., but perhaps you could explain a little more?

[realthog.livejournal.com]

"Just...another of those titles we won't be carrying in the shop..."

Don't you think stocking it might attract a better class of customer?

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

"different" != "better"

[realthog.livejournal.com]

I didn't think it did. I meant what I said. To judge by the customers you describe . . .

[quietselkie.livejournal.com]

But it wouldn't be the Vortex of Weird without the weirdos, you know. And then where would you be? Here in LJ, adrift in a sea of memes and LOLcats, and no tales of geniuses, sociopaths and meth freaks to lighten your day.

[pds-lit.livejournal.com]

Nah! The porn industry will get to it before Hollywood.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

And hemorrhoid shavers. Let them not be forgotten.

Hm. However hard we might try . . .

[sarcobatus.livejournal.com]

The word says it all.

Hemorrhoid shavers . . . I can now die.

Have you ever wondered why the words "hemorrhoid" and "diarrhea" are spelled with two Rs? And why is it that both words have something to do with the rectum?

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

A quick google finds this link: http://jezebel.com/5014051/somebodys-getting-their-lands-wet

It's going to be a bit difficult for me to eat cauliflower for the next week or so. That's all I'll say.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

You misspelled 'enemies' there.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Not to mention cauliflower farmers.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Excellent, Holmes! I've amended the main entry with this additional info.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

I suspect you'll be avoiding cauliflower too, Watson.

[realthog.livejournal.com]

Oh, I dunno. Something of a conversation-starter at dinner parties, doncha think?

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Perhaps, especially the bit about hazelnut-sized amounts of lotion and pink starfish.

For a must read, consider:

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE50M4XT20090123

[louismaistros.livejournal.com]

Firstly, I must say: ew.

But also, I wanted to congrutulate you on this, the best LJ tag ever: "even i'm a big unsettled by this one."

Cheers!